Jiraiya, The Lemon Expert!
by Self-Proclaimed KingofDDR
Summary: A different type of Ask fic. Do you need advice on how to write a Lemon? Want to know what Jiraiya prefers? Just want a good laugh? Then you've come to the right place!
1. A different type of Ask fic

Jiraiya, the Lemon Expert!

Written By: The Self-Proclaimed KingofDDR

Summary: A different type of Ask fic. Need help learning the finer points of a Lemon? Want to know what Jiraiya preferres? Or do you just want a good laugh? Then you've come to the right place!

Yo, everybody! This just came into my head, and wouldn't leave me alone! I hope you enjoy it!

* * *

It was a dark and stormy... 

"Yeah, yeah, we get it, Metal-King! This is the opening that your human counterpart used for the OTHER Ask fic that you've made!" Jiraiya said from his spot on a couch in the white room. "So let's just skip it, alright?"

**_"Humph. Fine, you Horny Bastard," _**Metal-King said, glaring at Jiraiya. Then turning to the readers, he said, **_"Okay, here's the downlow. This is an Ask fic just like my counterpart's 'Yep, it's another Ask Naru-crew' fic. Only this time, Jiraiya is the main star, NOT Sasuke and Naruto. You can ask him questions, but they MUST have something to do with Lemons, or any other Sexual thing. Otherwise, it will just be ignored."_**

"And like the other Ask fic that the REAL King has come up with, we'll be having guest stars from Naruto, and other places, come in and help with the fic. This fic will be updated at least once every month, if not more, since the real King still wants to work on the other Ask fic," Jiraiya added, looking bored.

**"...And that's really all you need to know," **Metal-King said. **"Send in those questions, and hope you enjoy!"**

"Okay, now where's my harem of lovely young girls?" Jiraiya demanded.

**"You'll get those ONLY if this fic does okay," **Metal-King replied.

"...Metal-Bastard..." Jiraiya said.

* * *

And that's the opening! I hope you enjoy! Oh, and the questions I'm talking about are like this! 

"Jiraiya, which do you think is hotter? Mortal Emeny Sex, or Best Friend Sex?"

Questions like that. I hope you enjoy it. And have LOTS of questions! You can ask either Metal-King, or Jiraiya.

Catch you next continue!


	2. Let the Perversion begin!

Jiraiya, the Lemon Expert!

Written By: The Self-Proclaimed KingofDDR

Summary: A different type of Ask fic. Need help learning the finer points of a Lemon? Want to know what Jiraiya preferres? Or do you just want a good laugh? Then you've come to the right place!

Sweet! We got a total of SIX reviews! Not bad for an Ask fic on the first chapter. Hope you enjoy this one!

* * *

**_"Hm. We got a decent amount of reviews. This makes me happy. ...Or would, if I could feel any emotions," _**Metal King said, looking at all of the letters. **_"Jiraiya, time to go to work_._"_**

_"Go on, bitch. I wanna cum now," _A voice said.

**_"...That better not be you talking, Perv," _**Metal King said, looking over to where Jiraiya was sitting.

Jiraiya's attention was on the T.V, where the imfamous Dubbed Version of the Hentai, Bible Black, was playing.

"Well, the sex is hot as always, but the voices SUCK. And I mean REALLY suck. Next time, I'm getting the origanal," Jiraiya said, nodding his head.

**_"Hey, perv. We've got work to do," _**Metal King said in a monotone voice.

"Oh, fine. But first, we've got our first guest. Everyone say hello to Ranma 1/2's Happosai!" Jiraiya introuduced.

The tiny old Martial-Arts Master appeared out of nowhere, startling Metal King.

...Or he would, if Metal had any emotions.

"Hotcha! Great to be here, Jiraiya!" Happosai said, smoking his pipe. "I can see that the years have not been kind to you..."

"Humph. Look who's talking, midget," Jiraiya replied cooly. "There's not any questions for you at the moment, seeing as how you just got here, but there might be some later on. Just sit back and watch how a PRO does it for now."

"Feh. Whatever you say, PRO," Happosai said, pulling out an issue of Playboy.

"Okay, now that that's out of the way, let's move on to the first question," Jiraiya said, opening the first letter.

_I wonder what sex between Naruto and Haku would be like?_

_From: battousai222_

"Ah, yes. Would sex between Naruto and Haku be soft and tender? Or wild and hot?" Jiraiya said. "Well, seeing as how they are both virgans (or in Haku's case, WOULD be if she were still alive), I have to go with the first option."

Then Jiraiya smirked and added, "Then again, you know the old saying. 'It's always the quiet ones.' Anyway, hope that answered your question. Time for the next one."

_1: Regarding yaoi fangirls, allow me to quote Kharn the Betrayer: "Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn!"_

_Agree?_

_2: What is up with people pulling gender changes? FemKyuubi and FemHaku are par for the course these days, but now we're starting to see a slew of FemNaruto, FemSasuke/FemNeji (not that you have to change that much), and even... shudder... FemOrochimaru. KILL IT WITH FIRE._

_3: Exactly which volume of Icha Icha Paradise was it that Naruto ghostwrote?_

_From: Dark Knight_

"Well, for the first question, I'd have to say that I DON'T agree. We shouldn't kill them. We should CONVERT them. Show them the joys of loving straight parings. Or Yuri. Because Yuri is fucking HOT. Give me a YURI fangirl over a Yaoi one anyday!

As for the second question, I guess that the people see femmine parts of the guy that makes them think that they would be perfect as a woman. For Naruto, it's his tan-skin. For Sasuke, it's his eyes. For Neji, it's his hair, espically when it's undone. And for Orochimaru...I have no idea.

And finally, it was a special one called, 'Tails of the Pimp Ninja.' Guess who it stars by the title name," Jiraiya smirked. "Okay, on to the next letter."

_Wow, my other favorite sannin, damn now this is getting messed up. Yo! Great-sage, I seek the fruit of knowledge from the tree of perversion, what is the fetish called when a person desires to be the villain who kidnaps and imperils the heroine, not the damsel, and puts her through the various paces of other fetish stuff I know the names for? By way of payment for the knowledge I offer my scrolls of tentacle jutsu.  
Furthermore, presuming the term potensphilia means attracted to power, how would you describe a potensphilia that can't alter your gender-preference? For this knowledge I offer... uhm...A free tarot reading?  
Personal questions aside, what's more sexy? Strong mentally vulnerable chicks, or strong and hotblooded women? For that knowledge I offer contact with the Princ(ess) of Excess, She who thirsts, Slaanesh._

_From: Islagatt_

"Ah, great to see a fellow pervert willing to learn. Well, to answer your first question, there is no real name of the thing you described that I can think of. But I like to call it Forbidden Lust if the heroine likes it in the end, or Payback if she doesn't.

As for the second question, I guess that if you are so firmly attached to whatever gender that you prefer, then no matter how much power a person of a different gender has, if won't affect you. I'm not sure, but that's my answer for the time being.

And finally, while it feels good to know that a strong woman can be shy and sweet most of the time, it's a real turn-on when you can make a strong and hot-blooded woman moan for your touch when you're doing the nasty. So I'd have to say that Strong and Hotblooded Women, like Tsunade, are more sexy," Jiraiya replied. "And thanks for the gifts. I'll put the last one to use for sure... Next letter."

_Question for Jiraiya: Do you think that women like Sakura and Tsuande that are so prone to violence and high strung just need to get laid to calm down and be a great deal less violent to both you and Naruto?_

_From: foxfire_

"Ah, a good question! I'd have to say yes. Trust me, you wouldn't BELIEVE how much some women change their tune after one night of passion!" Jiraiya said, with a perverted grin. "Not that I'm saying that ALL women are like this, just most of the high-strung ones. Next letter.

_Jiraiya, who do you think has more sex appeal, Sakura or Ino? And don't say none of them, pick one and explain please._

_From: Kikana_

"Well, it depends on if you're talking about Pre or Post Timeskip. If it's Pre, then Ino wins hands down, since she not only looks HOT for a 12-year old, but she isn't as prone to violance as Sakura. If it's Post, then Sakura wins by a margin. Ino looks even hotter, but Sakura gets quite beautiful as well. Plus, the fact that you could have such a strong woman moaning under your every touch if you get together with her helps out as well. So, I'd have to say it's a tie," Jiraiya replied. "Time for the final letter of the chapter."

_what's hotter:  
mortal enemy sex  
OR  
best friend sex  
OR  
hardcore sex (like KisaIta or HidanKaku - i can't think of any straight hardcore pairings . . .)  
OR  
incest sex  
OR  
yaoi sex  
OR straight sex  
heh_

_From: RyuMiko_

"Well, except for the Hardcore and Yaoi ones (shudder), it's a tough choice... But I'd have to go with the Incest one. But ONLY if they are both females. I mean, there is NOTHING hotter than seeing and hearing two beautiful girls in the throws of passion, moaning 'Onee-chan...Onee-chan...' or even better, a Daughter and her MILF together, with the daughter moaning, 'Okaa-sama...Okaa-sama...!' I'm getting hard just thinking about it..." Jiraiya said, drooling a bit with a funny look on his blushing face.

"Hm. Looks like Jiraiya is out of it. Oh well, at least that was the final letter of the chapter," Happosai sighed.

**_"I hope you enjoyed the chapter and answers, and will continue to send in those letters. It won't make ME happy, since I have no emotions, but it'll make the Perv-Duo happy indeed. Well, until next time, Keep control of your emotions!"_**

**_Thought I was gonna say, Catch you next continue, didn't you?_**


	3. Insert Perverted Title Here

Jiraiya, The Lemon Expert!

Written By: The Self-Proclaimed KingofDDR

Summary: A different type of ask fic. Need help learning the finer parts of a lemon? Want to know what Jiraiya preferres? Or do you just want a good laugh? Then you've come to the right place!

Okay, it's a little over a month, so that means that it's time for the next chapter! I hope you enjoy!

* * *

"So, what do you think of this story, Happosai?" Jiraiya said, showing the tiny pervert his latest Icha Icha Book. 

"Hmmm... not bad, Jiraiya-kun, not bad. But it's missing something. Something important," Happosai replied, taking a smoke out of his pipe.

"Hmmm? What could that be?" Jiraiya asked.

"The THREESOMES, man! Where are the THREESOMES?!" Happosai roared.

"OH! Don't worry, I'm just showing you what I've done so FAR. The threesomes will be in the book later," Jiraiya explained.

"Well, okay. As long as you're sure..." Happosai said.

_**"Hey, you two. We've got some more questions to answer," **_Meta King informed them. 

"Well, I don't see any questions for me yet, so I'll just rest in the Hot Tub for now. Hotcha!" Happosai cheered, diving head first into it.

"...When did we get a Hot Tub?" Jiraiya asked.

**_"I'll inform you after you read the letters," _**Meta King replied.

"...Fine." Jiraiya replied, opening the first one.

_Okay, first off, Jiraiya, YOU'RE A SICK PERVERT! But whatever._

_Anyway, in your opinion, what's the hottest Yuri Pairing? And why do women love you so much? Don't they know they're making out and fBLEEPing a thousand year old man with a wart on his nose._

_Hmm. What's the best Icha Icha book you've written?_

_BYE BYE WOOF!_

From: Mahou Inu Alex

"Why, thanks for the beginning statement in the first part of your letter. After all, as a MEGA-PERV, I have to keep claim to that title. Anyway, the hottest Yuri pairing for me is Tsunade with any other Hot girl, with Sakura and Ino coming in a close second.

And as for why the laidies love me, let's just say that even though Orochimaru may have big snakes, the difference between me and him is that when the lovely laidies see MY snake, they always come back for more. Hell, some of them even bring a friend!" Jiraiya chuckled. "And finally, do the words, "Massive Yuri Orgy Edition" mean anything to you? Thanks for the letter!" Jiraiya said. "Okay, time for the next one!"

_Dude, you're my favorite character (besides Anko)_

_In Yuri, what would you say is better? Mass Orgy throughout the whole movie, or one with a storyline?_

_And which is better? Them doing each other with Doublesided toys, One-sided toys, strap-on toys, or all 3 at once?_

From: Young Pervert in Training

"Heh, thanks. I AM pretty popular, aren't I?" Jiraiya chuckled. "Anyway, for the first question, I think one with a story is better. Sure, it's nice to see a HUGE Yuri orgy right off the bat, but it's even better to anticipate it. Think of it as foreplay for your mind. And 9 times out of 10, sex is no fun without foreplay.

And for the second question, I like seeing them use the strap-on myself. That way, they can reach behind while they're doing it Doggy Style, and caress each other's bouncing tits. VERY hot. Thanks for the letter. Next!"

_Dear most honorable sage of all things carnal, I come before you as a novice Saso/Saku lemon writer with these questions: What do you think of Sakura/Akatsuki?_

_Why do people, when writing Lemons, not include the "Protection Part?" (Well, think about it. 13-year olds could be reading this stuff...we don't want to set a bad example)_

_In a Pedophile fic, what do you think turns people like you on?_

From: NibiNoNEKO

"Ah, it's always good to talk to fellow adult writers. For the first question, it's sort of a guilty pleasure for me. I don't search for it, but if I stumble upon a good one, then I'll look at it.

For the second one, while it's true that more of the lemons would be more realistic if they used protection the first time, the kids (or their parents) should know better then to look at it in the first place.

And finally, you're asking the wrong person. I'm not really sure why people like me would be turned on by that..."

"It's because the thought of a sweet, innocent girl being shown her first sexual experience by a hansdome, yet dirty old man, is HOT!" Happosai said, before diving back into the Hot Tub.

"...Well, I guess that answers that," Jiraiya said, sweatdropping. "Okay, time for the next letter."

_Hello, Jiraiya-sama, its good to see you. Anyway, here's what I came to ask._

_Jiraiya: What do you think is the hottest type of halfling?_

_And what is the most common type of Lemon situation? You see, I'm on a quest to find unique, well-written situations, and I need to know what not to look for._

From: master of cheese graters

"Hmm. That's a tough question. But I'd have to say, Catgirls always win!" Jiraiya said.

"Screw Catgirls! DOGgirls are where it's at. With their long, wide tongues..." Happosai drooled.

**_"You're BOTH wrong. Part Cyborg is where it's at," _**Meta King said in monotone.

"...That's just wrong, dude," Both Jiraiya and Happosai said.

"Besides, I thought you didn't have emotions," Jiraiya replied.

**_"I don't. But I never said I didn't have a libido," _**Meta King replied.

"...Okay..." Jiraiya said slowly. "Anyway, you should avoid the typical 'One person falls on the other' thing. Especially when they have next to nothing on. THAT is the most common type of Lemon situation I know of. Thanks for the letter. Time for the last one of the chapter."

_Yo, Meta King._

_Jiraiya, recently, I updated my fic, dragonborn. I used plenty of innuendo, But the first review told me I should have put in a Lemon as well. Should I listen to him or not?_

_Your friend, Vindictus._

_P.S. Check out Chibi-Reaper's Honor among Thieves. It starts off serious, but the more recent chapters have been pouring on the innuendo._

**_"...Yo," _**Meta King deadpanned. **_"Okay, perv. Give advice."_**

"Well, it depends on if your comfortable enough to write one of them. If so, then GO FOR IT. You can bet that I'll be one of the first to read it! And you must really like Chibi-Reaper, don't you? I'll check out the fic later," Jiraiya replied.

"And that's it for this chapter! ...We didn't get as many reviews this time," Happosai noticed.

"I've got just the answer to that!" Jiraiya said, holding up a tape.

"What is that?" Happosai said, eyeing the tape.

"Remember the Lemon that took place behind closed doors on King's other ask fic? Well, this its the tape that SHOWS EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED!" Jiraiya declared with a funny look on his face.

"...GIVE ME THAT TAPE!" Happosai said, jumping towards Jiraiya.

As the two perverts ran around the room, Meta King just watched them. Then he turned back towards the camera.

**_"I think what Jiraiya is saying, is that next chapter we'll play the tape, and show EVERYTHING that happened in that foursome Lemon between Naruto, Hinata, Fem Kyuubi and Anko, thus, getting more reviews," _**Meta King guessed.

"Correct!" Jiraiya said, rushing past the camera, Happosai on his tail.

**_"Well, you heard him. Plus, another person from the Naruto world shall be joining us. ...Wheather they want to or not. So until next time, Keep control of your emotions!"_**


	4. Helping Perverts in need!

Jiraiya: The Lemon Expert!

Written by: Self-Proclaimed KingofDDR

Summary: A different type of Ask fic. Need help learning the finer points of a Lemon? Want to know what Jiraiya preferres? Or do you just want a good laugh? Then you've come to the right place!

* * *

"And we are BACK, baby!" Jiraiya cheered. "Sorry about the...nearly eight months that we've been gone, but we've had a lot on our plate..."

Metal King rolled his sensors. **"More like my lazy as hell human counterpart just forgot about this fic, and focused all his time on Clowning Around..."**

"Shhh! They're not supposed to know that!" Happosai said, looking away from the T.V, where a hentai called Koihime was playing. "Man, why do some young punks get all the luck?! A harem full of lovely young women...it's a crime I tell ya! A CRIME!"

Jiraiya cleared his throat. "Anyway, here is our new member in this group of perversion. Ladies and Gentlemen, may I introduce to you the most perverted woman I've ever had the honor of knowing. Please welcome, Hyuuga Hanabi!"

"How many times do I have to tell you, I'M NOT PERVERTED LIKE YOU!" the little sister of Hinata fumed, walking within the room and glaring at Jiraiya.

"Humph. I think the fact that I heard you moaning 'Onee-chan...Onee-chan...right _there_...' while I walked past your room looking for a new guest discredits that theory," Jiraiya replied with a smirk at the angrily flushing Hanabi.

"That proves NOTHING!" Hanabi snarled. "For all you know, that could have just been my dear sister healing me!"

"Right. And tell me, what kind of healing technique would require the phrase, 'Use your tongue more, _please!' _Huh?" Jiraiya said, wiggling his eyebrows as he gave a sly smile at the girl.

Hanabi was about to attack the older man before Happosai said, "Relax. You're among friends here!"

"No, I'm NOT! I only came because of a certian video that this old fart mentioned!" Hanabi growled.

"Relax, Hanabi-chan. You'll see the video afterwards. But first, we've got some questions to answer!" Jiraiya said. "Metal King! Bring on the first question!"

**"Very well,"** Metal King said, projecting said question.

_New chapter, new reviews._

Thanks for the advice... I now have one lemon in Dragonborn, at the end of chapter nineteen. And Chibi-Reaper is my elder brother... why shouldnt I read his fics?

Now... Wha do you think of Naru/femHaku as a pairing? Personally, I think their personalities are very compatible...

_From: Vindictus_

"Good to see that you took my advice from last chapter. And I was just curious as to why you liked his stories so much. I didn't say you shouldn't read them," Jiraiya explained. "And as for Naru/FemHaku, I just read a story of them that had a very...detailed fondling scene. Ever since then, I've _loved _the pairing. Okay, time for the next one."

_I had a feeling that the lemon would be shown in this fic...  
Anyway to either Jiraiya or Happosai:_

In my fic: Paintworks of a Shinobi, I plan to have an adult scene involving Hinata, Naruto, and anyone else if there is a harem. The thing is, I'm not sure whether or not to have it start off as Hinata (If there is a harem, it will be a gang of women) raping Naruto and it goes on from there. Or, since there are plenty of kinky things that Naruto's ability in that fiction could be capable of, there might be an S&M situation. I'm just not sure what to do, I'll probably write what turns me on more. But bear in mind that's a LONG way off from now and my updates are rather slow. (sorry; lots of stuff going on in life and all that). But I do have another thing for you to look forward to. In my story, you're going to have an artist for your novels!

_From: Master of Cheese Graters_

"Very nice. Both in regards to the Lemon, and the fact that some lucky guy is going to do art work for me, the great Jiraiya!" The Self-Proclaimed Super Pervert said, striking a pose.

"Meh. You know what would make it better? If it were ME getting the harem instead of that young upstart pupil of yours!" Happosai said, glaring at Jiraiya, who just smirked back.

"What can I say? The kid's got a gift," Jiraiya chuckled. "Thanks for the letter. Next one, please."

_Hello. first off, mister Jiraiya, i respect your work. you do a great service to males (and some females) everywhere._

_now, this question is one that has plagued the male mind for all time, but i thought you, seeing as who you are, may know the answer. ok... is there really a female orgasm, or is it all a horrid, cruel plot that has spanned from the beginning of time?_

_thank you, oh and hello Meta King._

_From: The Orion Pendent-Masta_

"Heh, no problem. It's my _duty _to provide a way of release for the masses of the world!" Jiraiya laughed. "Even more so if they are of the female variety. And to answer your question, yes. There is a female orgasm. It can be rare, depending on how good you are in bed, but you should consider yourself a sex _god_ if you trigger one. Next letter."

**"...Hello." **Metal King replied before showing the next letter.

_dear most honorable teacher of the perverts, i notcied something with this story, where the hell are the temari based questions so to start off.__  
-if you had to choose one straight couple what would it be?_

-which is the hottest yuri with temari in it?

_From: Nsst-368_

"Hmmm. Well, the hottest Yuri paring with Temari in it would have to be either Tema/Hina, or Tema/Ino. And if I HAD to choose one straight couple, it would be yours truly with Anko. She may be a bit crazy, but I'll bet she's a real _animal_in bed..." Jiraiya chuckled with a mega perverted look on his face. "Okay, next letter!"

_Hey King. Long time reader first time reviewer._

Jiraiya I need a bit of help. I'm doing a cross over with Naruto and a hentai manga called Petit Roid with only one of the sex crazed roids going to the Naruto world with her master, different from the Manga she's from, and I want to know what kind of sex I should have between the two. BTW my OC is a half kitsune with a curse that turns him into a girl when he's splashed with cold water, he also has shape shifting abilities as well.

Egerly awaiting an answer from one of the collest naruto characters , next to the Naruto's that FlamingBlackDragon creates.

DarkMagician41

"Very nice...again. Well...I think that you should have a nice mix of yuri, and hetero-sex. Plus, since she can shape-shift, have her put that to good use while it's a yuri scene...if you know what I mean," Jiraiya winked. "Hope that helped you out. And sorry for the long wait. Next letter."

_Yo Jiraiya-sama, and kudos to the metal king (the divine acronym Islagatt does not acknowledge the crass and overzealous pervert Happosai). So what exactly is it that gives a catgirl greater sexiness? Or that specifically overrules the sexiness of a cyborg woman? I've asked your opinion on tsundere vs. warrior women so now I guess I have to ask about other forms of lovelies- megannekko, athletic girls, the timid homemaking type, etc, women who do not necessarily fight others, what's the type that's sexiest?_

_And a really important question for you- what's the soundtrack for Icha Icha Paradise? Music sets the mood y'know._

_Finally once more for Jiraiya-sama and Metal King, and I guess for Happosai, I'm taking orders for pokegirl harems since I've recently migrated to that fandom, requests?_

_From: Islagatt_

"Hey, nice to read another of your letters, Pervert-In-Training," Jiraiya said. "As for your questions, first, Catgirls are sexier because of one thing. Their tails. Feeling those soft tails sliding around your body...nothing much better than that. And while Cyborg Women can technically last forever, it can be a turn-off for some people if they feel the cold, metallic part of their bodies. And I have to say...Timid Homemaking types are the sexiest in my view. Kasumi from Ranma 1/2, anyone?"

"For once, we agree on something," Happosai said. "And for the next question, we have artists such as Snoop Dogg performing some of the songs. That should give you an idea for the soundtrack."

**"And we'll give you feedback on the Pokegirl harems soon. We have to look at all the choices first...even though we had nearly EIGHT monthes to do so," **Metal King replied. **"Next letter."**

_Dear Carnal sage,  
Thank you for your reply. Now, I need advice for lemon I am doing, so help me out:  
What do you prefer?  
Cunninglingus or Fellatio?  
Another question is: In order to stray from the oh-so-original Missionary, is a lemon where the girl 'rides' the guy as appealing?_

_From: NibiNoNeko_

"As an answer to your question, I say...why not both? I'm partial to Fellatio myself, but both can be even better. Plus, there is NOTHING hotter than a Women taking charge in the bedroom. Trust me. So go on ahead with the girl riding the guy," Jiraiya said with a perverted look on his face. "Next Letter."

_May I say another good chapter.  
Anyway my question this time is: Jiriaya who do you think is the second biggest perv in the Naruto series?(if there is)  
And this second one is for you Happosai(since no one seems to be giving you any questions): In your opinion do you think Ranma&Shampoo's sexual relationship would be better than Ranma&Akane's?_

(and one last thing, may I suggest a bunch of perverts from other animes all together, for a pervert's convention,in a later chapter that is)

_From: Kikana_

"The second biggest pervert would be a tie between Anko-chan, and Hanabi-chan," Jiraiya said.

Before he got smacked in the back of the head by Hanabi. "There's more where that came from, you sicko!"

Happosai sweatdroped. "Right. Anyway, can you imange the wild sex that Shampoo would be capable of if she got her hands on Ranma? It would be no contest!"

"And as for your idea, not bad. We'll consider it, and if we do it, it hopefully won't take as long as the party in the other ask fic is," Jiraiya said, a band-aid on his head now. "Next letter!"

_metal king remember me well... IM BACK HERE TOO WOT ok questions  
now jiraya if the girl dominates the guy but isnt a masochist is it more kinky i think so in return i give you this_

youporn  
and  
search google for those sites they are the best  
i also give you these seals that you put just above the pussy on the crotch and it prevents pink oviaries and cumming till its removed and it doubles the pleasure of the one whering it  
it also works on men but blocks blueballs and you have to wrap it around the male anatomy rod key word with this ENDLESS INTERCOURSE WOT  
and these two jutsu  
infinate orgy no jutsu  
wetdream domination no jutsu  
sadly they only work on men because of the affects well the wet dream one here are the effects  
wet dream domination no jutsu: a unbreakeable genjutsu all the hentai, porn and erotic implications with just movements and gestures are instantly "having fun with you as well you feel all the pleasure of all hentai and porn in the world descend on your cock and and they wont come untill thetarget comes  
infinate orgy no jutsu: a S to the 10th power rank ( yes that high) genjustu a improved version of wet dream domination no jutsu where some how there are male anatomy's all of equal length to the original are instantly pounded by every woman in the world whos hot while a clone a real clone not a kage bushin of you is well male anatomy between mounds of a woman's chest f word with lips and a tounge in between them on the sides licking you at the same time by the godess (fake in real world standards) of intercourse whose a giant with giant breasts and many mouths inbetween them as well as chakra wires connected to all hentai and porn events int the world transfering pleasure to you  
several events afect this  
whether the seals i gave you are used or not if so then ALL of the women in the genjustu have it too not to mention the target  
if any one else is targeted by the jutsu: then they also are targeted by the events of the technique and the pleasure you both have is cloned and transfered to the other  
also after one hour in the genjustu( a second in the real world is five thousand years in the genjustu a light of pure white surrounds the room for one second and the pleasure any one or the single targets feels is quadurpled this happens every hour on the hour and i do not mean from quad drupled to eightfold i mean like 10 to 40 to 160 and so on  
note: you jiraya will ( if prince the author allows this ) also have these tags if you accept naruto kyuubi hinata and anko ( im talking about the ask fic where you also are)  
bye and farewell jiraya sama  
and a give a tear for what will happen to you in later chapters against nagato on the manga i am sorry to not see the entire manga and instead focus on the recent chapters  
and yes the tags and information of the jutsu that are in your pocket in the ask fic are made by the makers of and  
so authors will is disabled against them and it is published by the makers of the master mac mozillia fire fox version 55.6 and is more powerfull than the master pc and is immune to that too which i am the maker of both the master mac and tags since it was my idea i just had mozzilia fan fic websites mentioned above and evil corp make it heh  
bye  
woot  
NIMPO:SUMMONING NO ASK FIC NO JUTSU: COPY AND TRANSFER POOF

_From: WOOT_

**"Oh GREAT. HIM," **Metal King said, rolling his sensors.

"Well, in aswer to your question...yes," Jiraiya said, before he got buried by all the gifts that Woot gave him. "...Ow..."

Hanabi sweatdroped. "Um...time for the next question, I guess..."

_The best perverts of all time, gathered together. Now you need Master Roshi in here._

Jiraiya: do you know Sexy no Jutsu? And have you ever used it?

Happosai: who's the hottest Naruto character in your oppinion?

Both: Favorite Boob sizes?

_From: Vegito567_

"No, I've never used the Sexy Jutsu, though I DO know how to use it. ...Why HAVEN'T I used it yet?" Jiraiya said, getting out from underneath all the gifts, and sending them to the closet in the room.

"And as for my question, Hinata, hands down. Shy, sweet, yet with a body that could knock out even the most perverted of men, myself included. And don't worry, Roshi-kun will show up sooner or later," Happosai replied.

"And for our favorite Boob Size...Tsunade-size. No questions," Both perverts replied. "Next Letter!"

_Jiraiya-sama which team do you think make a better threesome,  
Team 7, 8, 10 or Gai team?_

Also what turns you more when your going at it?

What kakashi favarite Ichia volume?

_From: Itachi's aprentice_

"Team 7, hands down. I've read some of their threesome fics before, and they were hot as hell. And nothing gets me going like a hot smirk from a woman that _knows_ that she is in control," Jiraiya replied. "And believe it or not, Kakashi's favorite Icha book was the one ghost-writed by Naruto. Go Figure. Time for the last letter of the chapter!"

_Hey Ero-Sennin, I have a very important question._

I have a story that involves Kyuubi setting Tsunade up with Naruto. At the end of one of the chapters, I allude to a Nar/fem!Kyu/Tsu threesome, but I didn't think I could pull it off so skipped it. I've recently been thinking about taking some time, giving it a shot, and editing the chapter. What advice can you give me to pull that threesome off?

_From: Narutosbrat_

"Believe it or not, this letter was the resaon that we FINALLY decided to update this story. If you want to know why, then read the lemons in Narutosbrat's story, and you'll see why. Anyway, here's my advice. First off, you must have two of the particapants in the Lemon _always_ double-team the third one. That makes for HOT scenes. And I don't just mean have both women team up on Naruto. I mean, have one of the lovely laides and Naruto team up on the other lady as well," Jiraiya said.

"And don't forget, when you have the two women team up on Naruto, you can have both of them give Naruto a rather nice Tit-fuck from both sides. Also, when you have Naruto and a women teaming up on the other woman, they can both suck a breast each!" Happosai said.

**"Not to mention that you can have one of the laides sitting on Naruto's face while he eats her out, while the other lady pleases Naruto with her mouth, boobs, or pussy," **Metal King said.

"And you can have Naruto watch as the ladies please each other. That way, by the time he gets back in the action, he'll be so horny that he'll be up for ANYTHING at that point!" Hanabi said.

"We hope that this helps you to write that part of the chapter. Thanks for the letter!" Jiraiya said. "I know that we still have some letter that have yet to be read, but we are running short on time, and will answer them next chapter, which hopefully won't take another eight months. Plus, you can ask Hanabi-chan questions as well. And now that that's out of the way...it's TIME!"

"Jiraiya, may I do the honors?" Hanabi asked.

"Sure, Ero-chan," Jiraiya said, smirking at the angry look on Hanabi.

Hanabi took the tape from Jiraiya, stared at it for a second...

And smashed it to the ground, where she stomped on it for good measure.

"No one gets to see my Onee-chan naked but ME and her harem!" Hanabi said with an evil laugh.

"I thought you might do that. That's why I had copies made," Jiraiya said with a smirk.

"...I hate you," Hanabi said blanky.

"Okay, that's all for now. As soon as I can make sure that Hanabi won't interfere, we'll show the video in all it's glory! Til then..."

**Keep Control of your Emotions!**


End file.
